Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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