I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
