Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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