Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
