bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
