i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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