also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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