i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hippo gnu deer
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
