Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
