you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
