Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
