I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
