I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
