My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
