Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
