im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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