my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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