My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
