I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
