Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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