I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
