don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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