Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
