I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
