he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
