So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
