as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just had sex on a roof
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
