Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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