The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
