I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
