I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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