Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize