Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
FUCK WHALES
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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