O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
