that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
