Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
