i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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