And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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