What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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