im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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