the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize