maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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