It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
