i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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