Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My vagina is officially offended.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
