I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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