I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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