So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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