how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
