Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
