what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
