I wish I could teleport
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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