i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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