Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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