I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize