Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
