I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
