yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize