I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
