I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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