Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
