I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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