she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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