Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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