Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
