I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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