I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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