hotel room ftw
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my shit smells like andre
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
