Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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