I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
