Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
