the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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