no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
