you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
